I'm a 43 year old woman. For the love of god, stop calling me a girl.

Why labels created to empower women are doing exactly the opposite.

Hi, I’m Hilary,

I’m not a #bossbabe.

I’m not a she-e-o.

I don’t have boss-girl energy.

I don’t do girl math (I don’t do ANY math), and I don't make girl dinner.

I’m not living my best boss-girl life, and I have no plans for a girl's summer this year, hot or otherwise.

I’m not a mumpreneur. Neither am I a shepreneur (and just FYI, these are NOT real words, so please stop using them).

I’m a fully grown woman. I run my own business that’s successful on my own terms (no, I don’t turn over 6 figure sums or have 100k followers, but I do have a life). I am also a mother. One does not determine the other, so can we all stop trying to make out it does?

When I started my storytelling business, 22 Stories, I didn’t set out to build an empire. I just wanted to take control of my life in a way I had never been able to before. I was desperate to stop doing the work that was making me deeply unhappy.

In doing so, yes, I have become my own boss. And yes, I do have boobs and a vagina. But why, then, do I suddenly become a boss babe? Why am I force fed sickly sweet slogans on social media against a back wash of pink and cream Canva-built aesthetics and told to “Live my best life like a queen”. A queen? Last time I checked, the definition of ‘best life’ certainly wasn’t being part of the royal family.

IMHO, these labels, created with all the best intentions by women trying to give other women a space to exist without fear of judgment, are not empowering. At least they’re demeaning, disrespectful even and at worst, they’re damaging to the way we - and a future generation of women see ourselves and the ongoing fight we’re all part of for equality, not just in the business world but everywhere. No man ever gets called a boy boss. So why the hell should we? And why do we even need labels? Isn’t being good at what we do good enough anymore? An artist, a writer, an accountant, a coach, a storyteller.

This raises an even bigger question for us women - am I worthy enough?

Here’s how I see it. A lot of the rah-rah-cheerleading #girlboss stuff has the unintended potential to make women feel that unless they want to do something BIG and IMPORTANT and DEEPLY MEANINGFUL - and serve others - and be a great mum, wife, daughter, friend - then you’re not making the most of yourself. And that’s bollocks.

You don’t have to do anything important—or build anything of significance—or be the boss of anyone or anything to have purpose and fulfilment.

So what do we call ourselves?

In a highly scientific Instagram poll, 97% of my audience (mainly women who own small businesses) asked how they felt about the term Boss Babe said, “Ugh no, can’t stand it.” Interestingly, when I asked them what term they identify with, 48% said ‘business owner’ and 22% said ‘woman in business’. A further 22% said ‘sod labels, I am what I am. Only 8% identified with being ‘an entrepreneur’, which I find fascinating. Could it be that this is more of a masculine term? Or could it be that my brilliant business-owning female audience feels they’re not quite worthy of such a title? I suspect it's a little of both, but do let me know what you think.

When I started 22 Stories, I made up a totally erroneous job title for myself for fun - Chief Storyteller. But the truth is, aside from my email signature, I never refer to myself as that. Business owner is fine by me. A storytelling expert is even better. Just whatever you do, don’t call me a goddam boss, babe.

Cheers for reading.

If you know of anyone who might benefit from my slightly ranty view of undesirable fake feminist labels, feel free to share this with them.

And if you have a view on anything I’ve written, I’d love to hear from you, whatever your take. All views (and voices) are welcome here.

Thanks for your support

Love, Hilary x

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Are you new here?

I’m Hilary, a writer, speaker, podcaster, and, most importantly, a storyteller. For businesses, not children. I work with brilliant women to help them reconnect to their honest voices and turn their experiences into inspiring stories to build like-minded audiences, attract their dream clients, and create a life—and business—that’s authentically them.

Substack is my place to share my musing, thoughts and more than occasional messy rants about the inequalities I see and why the reality of telling your story as a female business owner can feel so damn difficult.

Find out a little more about me here.