Messy is the new magnificent (and why 'perfect' is so last season)
Why midlife women are redefining perfection
Lola Young’s Messy has been playing on a loop in my mind ever since it made the leap from TikTok to Radio 2.
'Cause I'm too messy and then I'm too fucking clean….
And I'm too perfect 'til I open my big mouth. I want to be me, is that not allowed?
It’s bold, unfiltered expression of imperfection that resonates deeply in a world obsessed with curated aesthetics and Instagram-worthy lives. It’s raw. It’s real. It’s exactly the kind of thing we midlife women need right now (although pretty sure we weren’t the demographic Lola was going after when she wrote it!)
Because, let’s face it, messy isn’t something we’ve been encouraged to embrace. From an early age, we’ve been conditioned to strive for perfection—the spotless home, the successful career, the polite, high-achieving children (bonus points if they’re still in matching socks by the school gates). And for many of us, the pressure to be “perfect” hasn’t just come from society—it’s come from within. We’re our own toughest critics, holding ourselves to impossible standards of flawlessness.
But here’s the truth: perfection is fake.
Deep down, we know it. Perfection is the influencer who never seems to have a bad hair day. It’s the immaculate Christmas adverts where families sit in perfectly decorated homes, free from the stress of burnt roast potatoes or siblings arguing over who gets the last pig in blanket. It’s the trad-wife fantasy that glorifies a vintage domestic ideal while quietly ignoring the reality behind the perfectly set dinner table.
But people don’t want perfection anymore. Not really. We’ve been duped by it too many times. We’ve seen how the polished surface can hide chaos, dysfunction, or even outright deception (hellooo Trump-era politics).
What people crave now is authenticity. Realness. The courage to admit, “Yes, I’m a bit of a mess, and that’s OK.”
Leaning into the mess
This shift is particularly liberating for women in midlife. By now, many of us have spent decades playing roles, keeping up appearances, and trying to “have it all.” We’ve been the caregivers, the breadwinners, the peacekeepers, and the emotional glue holding families, workplaces, and social circles together.
And let’s not sugarcoat it: it’s exhausting.
But there’s a freedom that comes with realising you don’t have to be perfect to be worthy of love, success, or belonging. When you stop chasing perfection, you make room for something far more valuable: connection.
Sharing your mess, your struggles, vulnerabilities and imperfect reality isn’t a sign of failure. It’s an act of bravery. It’s saying, “This is me. Take it or leave it.” And more often than not, people will take it. Because when you let people see the real you, they’re far more likely to trust, respect, and relate to you.
What’s behind the weird-as-hell trad-wife trend?
But if we’re moving towards authenticity, why does the “trad-wife” trend keep popping up on my social media? Why are some younger women drawn to an aesthetic that seems straight out of a 1950s house wife handbook?
On the surface, the trad-wife ideal may look comforting: a simpler, more stable life in an increasingly chaotic world. But let’s not kid ourselves, it’s a fantasy. Beneath the retro pinny and fresh-baked scones is an exhausting expectation of perfection. A trad-wife isn’t allowed to have bad days. She’s not supposed to lose her temper, question her role, or feel unfulfilled.
For midlife women, especially those of us who fought hard for equality and independence, the resurgence of hyper-traditional roles can feel baffling—and a little disheartening. But it’s also a timely reminder of why embracing imperfection is so important. Because what looks “perfect” on the outside is rarely perfect on the inside.
How vulnerability connects us
In Messy, Lola Young sings about wanting to be unapologetically herself, flaws and all. It’s a reminder that vulnerability is our greatest strength, not something to hide. In her words “I'm too perfect 'til I show you that I'm not”.
Brené Brown famously said, “Vulnerability is the birthplace of connection.” And she’s spot on. When we share our imperfect stories, when we admit we’re messy, human, and still figuring it out, we invite others to do the same.
So let’s reject the polished perfection of the trad-wife aesthetic. Let’s refuse to be drawn back into the trap of unrealistic ideals. And let’s embrace the messy, magnificent reality of our lives.
Because perfection is boring. Messy is memorable.
And, most importantly, messy is real.
The time to act is now
To all the midlife women reading this: lean into your mess. Share the less-than-perfect version of your life. Start conversations that reveal your vulnerability, your resilience, and your truth. You’ll find that people respond to your realness in ways they never did to your perfection.
If you’re ready to embrace your story, connect with like-minded women, and use the power of your experiences to carve out your space in the world, I’d love to invite you to join the She Roars Club. It’s a space for women like you, ambitious, inspiring, and unapologetically real, who want to build their businesses, their voices, and their confidence by harnessing the power of storytelling.
Doors open next month but you can join the waitlist now for exclusive information and a very special offer coming your way. Full details here
Let’s leave perfection behind and celebrate the beauty of our messy, magnificent realities, together.
Hilary xx